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Wednesday, November 7, 2012


I'm in the car outside of a doctor's office, waiting for my mother to come back. I was welcomed with nearly open arms by a stranger's wifi, which exists unlocked, so I feel like I've scored and I can be content to wait here, though it's already been an hour and a half. This is the tenth blog post I've started in about a month but may never finish, and it will most likely just sit in my drafts folder until I become an inspired blogger again. It figures as well, that there's no real purpose behind this post either.

Most of my writing skills are going into writing yet another novel that's basically impossible to finish, and I just feel as though that's such a waste. Maybe that's why it's always been so difficult for me to finish any of the countless novels I've attempted to write in the past: I just find too many different things that I want to write about. It's too difficult for me to put my writing abilities into one channel alone, and then I never finish what I set out to do.

On other notes: I've decided to stop using this blog in an attempt to entertain, even though I've already stated that this was my original intention. It's just that it never stays that way, does it? A person claims they're publishing content for the sake of fulfilling their own desires and purposes, but then it all turns into a race for attention. Anything done publicly makes it far too easy to get into the habit of attention-seeking and the quest for approval. It's a constant mindset that comes with producing, editing, the removal of flaws.

I've tried really hard to be myself, to the point where I strayed away from that. I want this to be unfiltered; that's still my goal. I want this blog to be my own, not something I create for the purpose of entertaining some sort of invisible crowd. I don't want to simply try  to be intelligent or to look it, I want to be intelligent. I need to stop presenting material that I've edited a hundred times, because that's simply too easy and reminiscent of attention-seeking. This is going to be my journal now. It's not going to be public because I'm trying to be someone I'm not; it's going to be public because it's a challenge to be everything that I am and I want to succeed.